I have found something that is more like my own thinking …

I have just today heard my first Secret meeting.  Being asked to give a testimonial so soon I did not think I would have anything to say.  I can however say a few things and watch myself grow.
I think I was invited in the past but was so wrapped up in religion the first thing I thought was;  “These people are the real anti-Christ”.  I was in fear of it and threw it immediately in the trash being sure to tear it up so no unsuspecting person could be contaminated by it.  When I received the invitation this time I read it through and even read some off of the net. Of course all negative.  I had some of the same feelings and was very nervous about having to give up my ideas about God and religion as well as the governments ideas of what is best for me.
Well guess what I didn’t think the politicians really knew anything except what was best for them.  As for God.  I was not sure but told myself I have always felt that there was more to life and Church was not doing it.  I had already come to accept more responsibility for myself so the part about external sources for direction for my life as opposed to internal made me really think harder.  I thought I would at least look into it.
Now that I have read the three books and had my first meeting I am aware of some suttle changes that have taken place.  I am more at peace to have really accepted my own abilty to make decisions for myself.  I am not as stressful at my work even though it is not a job that can be made into mini day schedules.  I am looking for ward to finding my Friday night essence and finding something to do along that line.
I had a very bad childhood so there were no memories of any joy what ever to attach any activity to.  I have very few things in my adult life that I can say that about but I am identifying some things and making a list of things that I do that I feel good about.  Such as I am good at digging out information and solving problems.  I can easily accept people for who they are. There are several other characteristics that I have thought and can only think that this will lead me to my Friday night essence and I know I will become great at where it leads me. I am a work in progress and I will not give up.  I have found something that is more like my own thinking and a powerful tool to help me become my true self.  There is no source in the universe that can give me the information I need for LIFE.

I am no longer in fear and I thank you for the opportunity……Andrea